Allistics lie and don’t bat an eye

Originally posted on tumblr

One thing I didn’t anticipate in my autism unmasking journey at 40 is how many people would essentially want to deny the truth because the actual truth reflects poorly on them.

It’s been easier for former coworkers to say stuff like, “but you always seemed so put together and in control” than admit “yeah, your exhaustion makes sense, we overly relied on you.”

Or “I hope you take better care of yourself now and actually rest” instead of “we should have never put all that on you.”

Or a former boss to say, “it seemed like you wanted what I wanted” instead of “Oh yeah, I remember your reticence to take the promotion and how I talked you into it and refuted your objections with things that were relevant to ME but not necessarily you.”

Or a friend to say, “You hide it so well” instead of “I’m sorry I didn’t help you feel safe to be your full self.”

Or someone at the orgs I volunteer with to say, “It’s remarkable how much you can carry” instead of “sorry we contributed to your overwhelm.”

To be clear, I don’t feel like a victim of ANY of these things/people. I know that most are good people trying their best, and that’s what I was, too. But they DID harm me and contribute to my massive burnout incident, no matter how pure their intentions were.