What if…what if?

I don’t mean to but sometimes I feel really jealous of young adults who know they’re autistic getting to do young adulthood w/ that knowledge in hand.

Like sure all considered, I “turned out fine” not knowing until 40.

But what if I had known I wasn’t randomly an asshole? I was an autistic person having sensory related meltdowns.

What if I had known I wasn’t a “bad” communicator w/ some people? I was an autistic communicator.

What if I had known how to dress in a way that doesn’t make me hate existing in my body TWENTY or even thirty years earlier?

That I truly always NEED LIKE NEED sunglasses when outside?

That I’m not a clumsy, careless, falls all over piece of shit, I have a proprioceptive and joint related disability.

It woulda been neat.

It wouldn’t have solved all my problems of course but it would have been helpful to say the least.

Anyway, there’s no autism epidemic.

There are just a whole lot more people who get to live with greater self knowledge and therefore greater self care and therefore stronger…happier…more empowered, and that is A WONDERFUL THING.