How “good men” NEED “bad men”

Originally posted on tumblr

Somewhere at some point, I either read or heard a very smart person explain a key piece of the current crisis around masculinity… It’s how many “good” men still NEED “the bad ones” among them to have any self esteem. And I can’t stop thinking about it.

Basically, the thought is that that most conservative or fundie or stereotypically masculine type men who aren’t “bad” themselves, are still deeply invested in perpetuating shit like misogynistic violence and rape culture because they have defined their sense of self-worth and their value around the idea of “protecting women” and being a “hero.” if there’s not a threat for the women they love, then there is no value and in who they are, according to their own thought process. 

And so they ultimately have no interest in actually changing society and any real or tangible way, because they don’t see themselves as a part of the problem because their thing is…if there aren’t “bad” men they can protect women from as a “good” man, then they feel worthless and have no sense of self.

Which means that they need “bad” men to exist and benefit from the looming threat of that.

So even though they might present as not “that bad” they will ultimately never be invested in joining us in the actual eradication of things like violence against women and rape because that is a fundamental threat to their own warped sense of self.

How can you be a hero if there are no villains?

And how can you have a sense of self if what you think you need to be all of the time is a hero?

Once you start thinking about it this way, it’s like you can’t unsee it. It’s everywhere.